


I just wanna be perfect in your eyes

by CharlieeyPower



Category: Jonnor (The Vamps), The Vamps (UK Band)
Genre: Angst, BoyxBoy, Bradley Will Simpson - Freeform, Fluff, Insecurity, Jonnor - Freeform, M/M, One Shot, Relationship(s), The Vamps (band) - Freeform, connor ball - Freeform, james mcvey - Freeform, tristan evans - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-10
Updated: 2016-04-10
Packaged: 2018-06-01 11:21:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6516397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CharlieeyPower/pseuds/CharlieeyPower
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Online hate becomes too much for Connor to handle. After reading what his fans are saying about him Connor just wants to shut himself away from the world. (Oneshot)</p>
            </blockquote>





	I just wanna be perfect in your eyes

Connors’ Point Of View  
“Thank you Brummie! You’ve been amazing! Stay blessed!” Brad shouted as we took our final bow, stood in the order of me, James, Brad and Tristan, arms hung loosely on each other’s waists, apart from James and I, we had our hands in each other’s back pockets as a small sign of our affection towards one another, that no one else would notice except for us and the team. We all ran off stage and went to our shared dressing room.

“That was a sick show guys! Couldn’t have opened the tour any better!” Tris beamed from beside Brad at the water table. James raised his hand and asking Tris to pass him a bottle of water, Brad and James shouted “I know!” in unison, agreeing to Tristan’s’ statement. I just continue to stay quiet and look down at my phone, reading all the tweets in my mentions about how I slipped on stage again. Some taking it lightly and asking if I’m okay and if it was anything to do with my recent knee injury others not so nice, saying it had something to do with me being either useless or fat. Normally I never let any of this get to me; I wasn’t one to be affected by hate. But recently I’ve started to notice it more, I don’t know why either.

“Con? You okay babe?” James turned to me, throwing his arm around my shoulders and whispering in my ear. I carried on looking down, locking my iPhone, holding back tears.  
“Yeah, I’m… I’m good, I just need to… I’m going to the loo…” I said and left our dressing room, sprinting towards the bathroom. I sit town on the closed lid of the toilet in the last cubicle, bringing my knees up to my chest quietly crying to myself. This has never happened to me before… I hope James doesn’t see me in this state…

James… That’s when this all started. About 9 months ago when James and I started dating, I started to notice more and more hate. The hate itself wasn’t anything to do with James and I dating, the fans didn’t know that yet, but I think it was more of a subconscious thing. I was focusing so hard on being perfect for James so he’d like me and so he wouldn’t leave me that anything negative towards me now stuck out. I can’t believe I’ve allowed myself to get in this mess. In the 9 months we’ve been together James and I we haven’t done anything. We’ve only been PG. We’ve kissed and stuff but we’ve never actually gone any further. The only reason for this is me. I’ve never been ready. I’ve never been in a place where I’ve felt secure enough to take my top off around him let alone do anything else, we haven’t said I love you to each other yet either. I’m pretty sure I love him but I just don’t know if he’d say it back or if he’d say that he liked me but wasn’t in love with me, or he could say that I’m too clingy…

I tugged at my hair as I got up off the toilet lid, all these thoughts and feelings swirling through my mind and one name standing out above everything else. I walked over to the sink and placed my hands either side of the basin, I looked up at my reflection in the mirror. I couldn’t take what was staring back at me. I no longer recognized myself. I don’t know this teary-eyed person string back at me. I lean down and turn on the tap, washing my face with cold water to get rid of the redness before I return to the boys. I started to think of excuses as to why I took so long when my thought process was interrupted.

“Con? You okay?” James asked, I continued to look down at the sink, not saying a word. James walked towards me, wrapping his arm around my shoulders; I tried my hardest to keep it together, I didn’t want to cry in front of James, I didn’t want him to think I was weak.  
“Babe?” I lost it. I broke down in tears; James placed his other arm around my waist, pulling me close, cradling my head in the crook of his neck.  
“Hey… what’s happened? What’s brought this on?” James whispered quietly to me. I just whimpered quietly into his neck. James pulled me into a cubicle, locking the door behind us and pulling me onto his lap, facing him.  
“Connor. Talk to me. Tell me what’s happened.” James said, using a stern voice. I looked down, not wanting to look up at my boyfriend’s face.  
“Y-you’ll think I’m pathetic…” I fiddle with the bracelets on my wrist to distract myself from looking up at him.  
“Connor…” James lifts my chin, forcing me to look up at him. “I would never think you’re pathetic…I lo- you mean so much to me and I wouldn’t never think any less of you. Please tell me what’s happened…”  
“Well… I-I um… I tripped on stage again and like I laughed it off an got back up again and carried on with the show, but after the show I went on twitter and um… some people were saying some horrible things and… I guess it’s not the first time this has happened…”  
“What do you mean it’s not the first time this has happened? How long have people been sending you hate?”  
“I started to notice it about nine months to a year ago… It’s just something I’ve noticed more and more…” I finished. James placed his hands on the back of my hips near my bum, I tensed up at the feeling at first but started to relax at the feeling of James rubbing small circles on my hip with his thumb in a comforting manner.  
“Con… does this have something to do with when we started dating? We got together nine months ago and… you said you liked me before that… Is it me? Have I caused the hate?” James asked worriedly.  
“No James, please don’t think that… I think the reason it affects me so much is that…” I took a deep breath, shaking slightly. James grabbed both my hands in his.  
“It’s okay, I’m here” He whispered to me.  
“The reason it affects me so much is because I just wanna be perfect in your eyes and if our fans think all this about me then it wouldn’t surprise me if you-“  
“I love you Connor.” James interrupted me. I sat there silently, mouth gaping slightly. “I’m sorry I shouldn’t hav-“ I cut James off by kissing him gently, only pulling away to whisper;  
“I love you too.”  
“Y-you do?” I nodded in response to his question.  
“Yes. I do. A-and I have for a while…”  
“Why didn’t you say anything? You knew I’d say it back right?” I looked down. In all honesty, no I didn’t think he’d say it back. “Oh my god, Con you didn’t think I’d say it back did you?” James pulled in close for a hug, cradling me tight against his chest. “Connor, I want you to know that I love you with all my heart and have done for quite a while and whenever you need to tell me something, please don’t hesitate. Come find me. As your boyfriend, it’s my job to protect you and care for you, Okay?”  
I nodded.  
“And as for the hate, ignore it. I would never think what’s being said about you was true. You’re already perfect in my eyes. I wouldn’t want to change anything about you, and neither would the boys okay?” James ran the pad of his thumb underneath my eye, catching the fallen tears.  
“I love you so much James, I don’t know what I did to deserve you.”  
“I could say the same Con, I could say the same.”


End file.
